Supply and Demand Folks.
the amount of a commodity, product, or service available and the desire of buyers for it, considered as factors regulating its price
Listen, it’s not like we have 1,000 people asking for me to write an article on the MLB Simulation Contests on FanDuel but the Chairman — Hunter Dozier — did hit a 3% home run on the first day I did an article.
So just sit back and go open a beer. It is Friday after all (I think?) and we have a Baseball DFS slate to break down here whether it’s for money or not, we have entertainment awards to go after. So press play on one of the Official Sound Tracks for The Dongers Club, let it play and enjoy the article.
So like I said, what else are you going to do on this Friday besides sweat a slate that begins at 1PM and won’t end until close to 11:30 PM. How amazing is that? FanDuel is giving us an ALL DAY MAIN SLATE! Simulation life isn’t that bad after all because we’re one day into this stuff and Matt Adams does not appear to be on the simulation active roster, which is just fantastic news for all of us.
More fantastic news for us, this slate has Coors Field on it — ok, that’s not the fantastic part. But this means we do get Nolan Arenado and I can just hope that the Simulated version of the GOAT is as Angry as the real version is.
TODAYS SLATE … GIFtastic Breakdown
WEATHER
It appears the simulation does not give two shits about the weather. Unfortunately this means that the unemployment rate just went up as about 5 more DFS Weather Touts have filed unemployment.
Luckily they can now go tout their models for push-up contests.
Cleveland Indians (Carrasco) vs Detroit Tigers (Nova)
I know this game is in Detroit but it just dawned on me that Ivan Nova should face the Indians in Cleveland this year and that brings me more joy than you can possibly imagine.
Arizona Diamondbacks (Luke Weaver) vs Chicago Cubs (Kyle Hendricks)
What in the world is this garbage? Just give me all the fantasy writer of the year awards right now folks. Im breaking down a Luke Weaver vs Kyle Hendricks Friday afternoon simulation game. Again, we need to get confirmation on the weather for the simulation but Im gonna have to assume that it’s all zero?
Who the hell is on the Diamondbacks anymore? Ohhh, wait a minute. Is that Starling Marte in Wrigley Field or are you happy to see me?
San Diego Padres (Joey Lucchesi) vs Colorado Rockies (Kyle Freeland)
In the simulation that we are living in they had snow today in Denver and it will be 45 tomorrow.
So when this game finishes 3-1 then we know the weather is imported into the simulations and we can re-hire all those DFS Weather touts.
Hot take: This game won’t end 3-1.
Los Angeles Dodgers (Buehler) vs San Francisco (who gives a shit, we’re playing Walker Buehler on a Friday)
oh shit it’s Jeff Samardzija in a day game
Miami Marlins (Jordan Yamamoto) vs Atlanta Braves (Cole Hamels)
Alright, now this is a weird one because I wrote up Hamels as being a flop this season and he’s obviously hurt in real life.
Marlins should be a sneaky team in these type of spots this year and they’re dirt cheap with everyone being 3k or less.
Villar-Anderson-Dickerson-Aguilar-Alfaro is better than you think. These aren’t your 2018 or 2019 Marlins folks.
Tampa Bay Rays (Blake Snell) vs Texas Rangers (Lance Lynn)
Commence Texas Rangers new stadium is a PITCHERS PARK.
But these donkeys probably pulled the data from last years stadium instead. We have a glitch in the Matrix!
Either way, gotta like the data on Blake Snell in this spot as he should strike out 10 guys.
Houston Astros (Lance McCullers Jr) vs Los Angeles Angels (Dylan Bundy)
The simulation does not know about the sign stealing.
MY SIMULATION PICKS
Sweet Jesus I still cannot believe I am typing those words. Ya’ll better have fun with this shit before I go insane..
Oh that reminds me. I am working on putting together something cool starting next Monday. I’m gonna basically let things digest through the weekend and if I still think it’s a viable plan then we’ll move forward with it. But basically it would involve everyone throwing in an entry into a World Cup style tournament where you have to post your lineup and then I’ll calculate the results based off the FanDuel simulation each day. So all you have to do is degen some money on a simulation and copy/type your lineup into something I setup to make it easy to do and then I’ll calculate it (or get a team to help me do it). If that sounds cool and I still remember this four days from now (whenever that really is, what day is it???) then we’ll move forward.
PITCHING
The theme for PITCHING today comes from an all time classic — Goodfellas. With the GIF below each pitcher adequately describing them…
Walker Buehler … A simulation sure as hell wont stop me from using Buehler.
Blake Snell … 10 strikeouts vs Texas is not a stretch, he’s ready to piss on them.
Luke Weaver … Yes, I think he’s gonna do well vs the Cubs — dont like it?
STACKS
And today’s stack theme GIFs will be from the movie Stripes
SAN DIEGO PADRES
Absolutely we’re gonna donkey Fernando Tatis, Manny Machado and Sir Thomas Pham in Coors Field
LA DODGERS
Just go ahead and play Corey Seager and Joc Pederson — and then look the other way
HOUSTON ASTROS
Go ahead and be afraid to play the Houston Astros on the road because of the sign stealing shit. Yordan Alvarez isnt afraid of anything Bundy throws.
LOW OWNED LONGSHOT TEAMS:
Marlins … Outlined that Hamels to me is a bad play and the Marlins lineup is better than in years past.
Tigers … Cookies Carrasco had a rough 2019 and his splits flipped big time to be terrible on the road, which will confuse the simulation. CJ Cron and or Jonathan Schoop going yard on him.
POSITIONAL ONE OFF FAVORITES
- Max Muncy
- CJ Cron
- Robinson Chirinos
SECOND BASE
- Cesar Hernandez
- Jurickson Profar
THIRD BASE
- GOATS Arenado
- Brian Anderson
- Manny Machado
- Corey Seager
- Fernando Tatis Jr.
OUTFIELD
- Yordan Alvarez
- Joc Pederson
- Starling Marte
THE DONGERS CLUB
- Yordan Alvarez – OF – Rangers – Chairman
- Corey Seager – SS – Dodgers
- Brian Anderson – 3B – Marlins
- Starling Marte – OF – Diamondbacks
- Jose Altuve – 2B – Astros
- CJ Cron – 1B – Tigers
- Joc Pederson – OF – Dodgers
- Robinson Chirinos – C – Rangers … You new here?
And if this all seems stupid to you, just remember that it could be worse — poor Joel has been stuck on a space ship watching horrible movies for almost 30 years now
